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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

THE SERIAL KILLER

This is an announcement to tell you about one big threat our society is seeing in our
times.

It is the crap that Ekta Kapoor has been dishing out to the scores of Indian women daily, in the afternoon between the hours of 1 pm and 4pm.

It is the stupid t.v. soap operas that a lot of Indian women (most probably our mothers) watch on t.v.

Alot of these Dramas have the same ideas and common elements.


The family depicted is ALWAYS RICH. The main character is always a rich dumb ass who falls for the pretty, hot girl and then later falls for the smart, nice girl (sometimes the other way around). He is married at least once to the hot one, who is only after his money.

There is always another rich dumb ass after the main guy's nice, smart, wife (funny how he don't want the hot one; maybe he figured earlier with some other hot female that all they want is the money). Main guy's wife also always marries the other rich guy, wife while she still loves the main guy.(Confused?)

How these women watch this crap is beyond me. How they watch it after themselves admitting that it is crap, is something I think maybe I should write a thesis on!

It is arguable whether the amount of infidelity shown in these serials is causing broken homes, marriages, or is cause for the rising divorce rates in India (as suggested by some people), but they do ruin my lunch.

I hate "KumKum" for that (that bitch, hope her family and her perish in Dubai...
oh I forgot... I don't write that script....).

I came home today, after my 3 hour exam, starving like crazy and had to climb 6 floors (lift was engaged by these two aunties chatting with the bloody door open. Sometimes I
wonder if these t.v. serials takes a piece of their brains... if not kill a piece their brains. What the hell was so important that the lift had to wait, with everyone else, while they chatted?????)

I sat down to eat. After I took the first bite....the veggies were WAY TOO SPICY for me to eat. It was more chillies than vegetables! (oh the agony my tongue, and stomach had to endure. It's been 6 hours and my stomach still burns sometimes!)

I thought that was all that could go wrong. Next I see the rice has been burnt.

So I went into interrogation mode...I had to get to the bottom of this. I asked my mom "What happened to the rice?"

" I forgot about it. "
" How? What were u doing? "
" I was watching KumKum. "

So there you are. These t.v. serials are ruining society and people's lunch.

I say we should start a revolution against em...Who's with me ?????


Thursday, November 18, 2004

Count your backlogs.........

This one is for all the engineering students who have the ever
so common complaint "I ain't studying anything".
A poem to help you get motivated to study.

Count your backlogs name them one by one,
See the nerds and how much you've left undone
Count your backlogs name then one by one
look at your results and u'll see the shit you've done.

Do you want to pay 50 (or 14) grand again?
blowing away your parents money on a stupid sem(ester).
To little children go donate the money
stop wasting time, don't be like Dasani (a slacker in my class)

Count your backlogs name them one by one,
See the regulars and how much you've left undone
count your backlogs name then one by one
look at your results and u'll see the shit you've done.

Can't remember a thing? have you wondered why?
Feeling more confused as the days go by?
Swamped with questions, making frantic calls
Trying to figure out if this is worth it all?

Count your backlogs name them one by one,
See the regulars and how much you've left undone
count your backlogs name then one by one
look at your results and u'll see the shit you've done.

Stop staring out the window at the hot chick there
She's not interested, she doesn't really care
Another chapter even if it means u'll cry
You don't have a choice, your ass will fry!!

Count your backlogs name them one by one,
See the regulars and how much you've left undone
count your backlogs name then one by one
look at your results and u'll see the shit you've done.


Saturday, October 09, 2004

The Highs and Lows of Pune City : The city roads!!!

Of all the bad things in Pune city, I guess the worst has got to be the city streets and roads!
They are completely PATHETIC!!

The concept of flat roads is completely unknown to the Pune city Municipal Corporation. I guess the only flat thing the guys working there know of is probably the chapatis they have for their lunch or Dinner!

Just recently, India saw the heaviest rainfall fall in a long time. It rained non-stop for almost a week. You can only imagine the damage to the city roads done by that.

There weren't potholes anymore...there were craters! If that pothole was filled with rain water ...well you wouldn't even know till you were completely submerged! My friend damaged the front axle of his car because of one of these.

The funniest thing I can say is that when these municipal guys come to fill the potholes (again without the slightest concept of flat or level) they turn these craters ...I mean potholes ...into mounds!!!

Instead of falling into a pothole I have to worry about flying off a mound and accidentally be launched off into low orbit space (giving one of those "I can see my house from here" moments)!

Therefore a dump (pothole) today will be bump (mound) tomorrow.

A simple 5 Kilometre journey from my house to my college is a back breaking, roller coaster ride.....my poor shock absorbers...my poor ass!!

Add to this the narrow city streets and traffic (for a low down on Pune traffic do readhttp://saurabhj.blogspot.com).

In fact recently there was a 1 foot deep, by 1 foot diameter crater on a bridge recently and due to this a lot of traffic had to be re-routed... mainly trucks... and a certain section of Pune city was almost bumper to bumper traffic for a week!!

Also, they always start repairing roads during the monsoons...which makes you wonder what those lazy farts were upto the entire year(hmmm probably wondering what the word "FLAT" means!).

Now here is an interesting story I gotta share with you.
I heard about a friend's cousin, who went to the USA, and learned all about road construction. He came back and then got a job in this field (don't remember in which city). Some time later he was promptly fired!!

The reason : He built a road of very high quality!!!

Now, have you ever heard of anyone losing their job for doing it too well? Still wondering why he was fired... well the reason is shocking, sad but true.

It seems that the government officials have to sub-contract their work. Therefore, there are a lot of contenders for the contract. Now the contract goes to the guy who bribes all the intermediaries to push his contract all the way through.

Now, these government guys want this process to happen regularly, so they can get bribed continuously, which can happen only if the roads disintegrate regularly... therefore the construction of the road should be quite pathetic. (Yes, India shall progress very fast at this rate!!) Hows that for fixing regular employment??? Makes me wonder about the multiple crores of Rupees spent on concretisation, whats happening with that????

Also roads that are completely destroyed and need repairs for more than a year (for e.g. Senapati Bapat road) had a lot of minor accidents happening there. The road was fixed... two days before the Prime minister was to travel on that road. Need a road ...get a minister to visit and drive on that road!!!

Now, here is the clincher. Whenever a road is built, exactly 6 months later the authorities come and dig up the sides, and at regular intervals, dig trenches across the road to lay power cables, telephone cables and water Pipes.

An excellent example of advance planning and management!!! (More progress) But don't worry those dug up parts, will be filled again... over filled into mounds again...and we shall call them speed breakers.

Lastly, quite a few Automotive companies have their establishments set up in or near Pune for eg. Tata Motors, Daimler Chrysler and Bajaj Auto (this last company is full of morons by the way).

Makes sense actually... with these kinda roads... you save money on building a test tracks. Just drive the vehicle from Pune to Pimpri!! (Here come Briggs and Stratton!)

So, all you foreign investors out there who wanna make a car company, set up shop in Pune!!.
Benefits aside...test tracks for free!!!!

Another future career opportunity ... become a Chiropractor and save the bones of Pune residents (plus make a lot of money).

To end with here are the laws of the road.

#1 Dump today ...Bump tomorrow.

#2 Have minister will fix road.

#3 Brand new road shall be dug up and made bumpy in 3 months <= date of completion <= 6 months.
#4 Have road constructing skill; will lose job. #5 work for road development department; will get bribe.
#6 Car companies shall save money on test track if set up in Pune.
#7 Potholes and low orbit launch modules shall become number one killer in Pune city. well enjoy the ride....

Fancy Some Shopping?
Flipkart.com

Sunday, October 03, 2004

THE INEPTITUDE OF BAJAJ AUTO: THE BAJAJ SAFFIRE

If any of you are thinking of buying a Bajaj Saffire, DON'T DO IT!

This vehicle has been a prime cause for heart ache and financial loss to me. I can't give you the entire set of problem history in detail on this blog since it will bore you, and will be a bit too long. So here are the "Cliff notes".

I bought this vehicle for Rs. 35,000 a month after it was launched. I bought it because I could not convince my dad to buy me a 125 cc bike and the other option he gave me was a 75cc bike. This bike seemed like a trade off at 90cc. Also the guys at Overdrive magazine gave this bike "Scooter of the year award" thereby pushing my decision (incidentally it makes me wonder how they actually test and review the vehicles sent to them. Does the company sending the vehicle "attractively coax" (if u know what I'm saying) the magazine journalists?
(OK all you companies out there willing to employ me as a FAIR, competent and complete, vehicle tester I'm waiting for your call... you can also reach me through this blog).

Little did I know this would be my biggest mistake. After taking the vehicle back for fixing almost every week, I would have to take it back again a week later. I had to spend close to Rs.1000 on fixing it, almost every time I took it there.

Then came a shining light, the company launched a 400 part, free of charge, replacement kit, none for the engine unfortunately, most of it was for the insides of the dash panel and switch gear. Also every time i got the bike fixed and looked at the receipt, I would always see a clutch overhaul. In three years I have had to get an entirely new clutch system 5 times. The shining light I saw was just a firefly seen thorough a magnifying glass I guess...

The front suspension from their earlier versions was redesigned in the later versions of this vehicle, which they changed for me at a price of Rs. 3500.The new version costs 40,000. I have paid more in just fixing this piece of sh**.


No, I didn't just sit back and take this crap from them. I wrote to the Vice President of marketing, Bajaj Auto Ltd. He then replied to me and told me to meet the manager at their workshop, I did. They then kept the bike for a month to fix.

It came back and worked properly for 2 months....and then it was back to square one. I met the managers at the workshop quite a few times and they took the bike in repeatedly (I think all the staff members know me there), fix it, and then a month later it needs a clutch overhaul!!!

Bajaj has tried many times to fix my bike, basically this bike cannot be fixed. Bajaj has tied up with Kawasaki Japan and they get some of their technology from Kawasaki. All their vehicles that say "Kawsaki Bajaj" on it, work just fine.

The Bajaj Saffire, from what I know, has been made through Bajaj's own independent R&D. Makes me wonder what the hell they were upto; the guy heading the project gets my prize for the "The worlds dumbest engineer" (someone one asked me why I buy products from foreign companies and not Indian companies; I hope this answers his question). Also some of their other vehicles like sunny and spirit (non-kawasaki technolgy), have a lot to be desired.

I also have two friends who have these two bikes and they also have similar complaints. One of them got rid of this bike and got a Yamaha Enticer(lucky b******), the other is unlucky like me, stuck with this crap.

Well, basically, if you are buying a Bajaj, make sure it is Kawasaki Bajaj, else definately go Buy a Honda, Hero Honda, or (the never doubtful) YAMAHA.

If only Honda launched the Activa a year earlier.....

Sunday, August 22, 2004

The Call of the BPO's

Well, after all the Hue and cry in other countries against outsourcing, I thought I should share an anecdote on my experience with two outsourcing companies.

I happened to go to two BPO's here in Pune with a friend of mine. And I must say, the buildings they are housed in are quite snazzy, and visually pleasing.

What did surprise me was the amount of security they have there! I mean it's crazy. I don't think any of my country's government institutions have that much security (for e.g. I was able to stroll around quite freely on one occasion at my local post office. I could literally steal anybody's Diwali card!)

It starts at the security gate where you are asked "What do u want here(in hindi)", very charming and polite I must say. Then u go inside to the lobby. There you have a registry entry, (if u come with someone else then u are that person's name + 1). After that, you have a metal detector stage. Here is where things get a bit weird, He searched me and the detector beeped when it came across my keys. I carry an asthma inhaler, which in my pocket looks like an "L" shaped bulge, so I'm thinking he will ask me what that is (could even be a gun!!). But what do you know, he passes over that. No questions.

But, he does however ask me to remove my mobile phone. So remember do not take electronics with you into BPOs, guns, knives that kinda stuff is OK.

What could I possibly steal from a BPO, I wondered. Well maybe their secret opening phrases?? Naaah, don't think so. Their head phones, why would i want that? Stationary? I can do better.

At this point i was curious to know why they have so much security. I asked the guard. He told me that people come and steal RAM chips.

Now why would someone walk into a BPO to steal Ram chips. I can just imagine, walk in spend 5 minutes opening up the comps, in full sight of the entire staff, then walk away with the RAM chips!!

Then you get to the concerned floor for whatever work. Here you get a name tag and them another registry entry.
Interesting observation, for every minute of actual work, they waste ten minutes of yours, 7 minutes in security checks and 3 minutes in making you wait!

After meeting the concerned person, return all the tags and then a final registry entry (and of course a RAM chip check). You could write whatever you want in the registers, I did.

Name: scribble something indecipherable + 1
Kind of work: Stuff
To meet: Mr. Archana Rampal
In time : 3:30pm < my time < 4 pm Out time : bye bye signature: PEvents + 1 One last observation. These BPO employees are all freakin' 5 years younger than me and make much more than me (and quite a sizeable amount too!). I actually walked in there and saw a group of people sitting on the lawn playing Antakshari. Some of the ladies there were very attractive too!(translate HOT!) Reminds me of my favourite Dire Straits song "Money for nothing and the chicks for free..."

Thursday, August 19, 2004

what to say

here goes nothin' ... there come the insults!!!!
well I am starting blogging. Lets see how it works out
I'm gonna give a try
just so u know blogs will be updated fairly un-regularly not daily since I do have a lot to do...
well will put up my first article tomorrow.

hope ya enjoy it